“Open Letter”

My name is Brittany Abdullah I am a native of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I am currently 22 years of age. As a child, I grew up in the church, United Methodist to be exact. I would always wear a lot of hats in the church such as singer, acolyte, usher, worship leader, praise dancer, etc. For me, going to church was something that I did on Sundays because it was a family tradition, and it was something to do from 11:00-1:00.  I was the “church baby”, and I did whatever I was told to do.

During high school I became a different person. I started hanging out with the wrong people, learned to use slang, walked with an attitude. Anything I could do to fit in, I did it. Living the way that way caused me to barely graduate from high school. After high school, I went to the Community College of Philadelphia for two years. I basically wasted time and money there, because I was not focused. I started being rebellious, talking back to my parents, dressing provocatively, and getting negative attention from guys. Keep in mind, in all of my acting out, I still attended church every Sunday.

After dropping out of college, I decided to get a job working in retail. I decided that I was to old not to be getting money. During these times I would do anything for money. I stopped showing up for work and found an escort service. At first I was really shy and was nervous. I was a church girl I didn’t know anything about the business, but I was so worried about getting money that I didn’t care.

During this time, I loved the attention from guys so much that I got good at what I did and eventually liked it. I brought home money everyday. The more I did it the more I enjoyed it and could not stop. I mentioned earlier that I was still going to church while acting out. My pastor knew something was different about me, but could not but her finger on what it was. I started to dress even worse. Wearing a lot of make-up, skimpy dresses and skirts to show off my legs, I even dyed my hair different colors to give me more attention.

One day I felt so bad that I broke down and told my pastor what was going on. She immediately told my parents. They were so heart broken, they didn’t know what to say to me. We talked it out that night and I promised them that I would not do it again. It broke my heart so bad to see my father cry. I had never seen him cry before that night.

Two weeks later, Iwas back in the lifestyle because the feeling of being loved by these men and getting attention was what I wanted, and also bringing home 300 dollars every night. This lifestyle made me feel independent and like a woman. Not to mention, I struggled with homosexuality as well.

I wanted to die! I felt like my life was over. Every time I went to the kitchen, I would pick up a knife to stab myself but I could not bring myself to do it. I would try to take lots of pills at a time in an effort to overdose but nothing worked. I was so depressed. I cried every night and day. I wanted to die. I felt like it was no reason for me to be living on this earth anymore. I thought: “God couldn’t possibly still love me, so what was the point of living?” I struggled with these feelings for about two years. I would go to church and just cry at the altar not knowing what I was crying about. I was a mess!

During that time, I went to cosmetology school, graduated, and found a job working as a junior assistant. I always loved hair and fashion so that kept me sane. After work one day, I went to my church’s revival. I was so nervous because it appeared that the evangelist there could see all of my sins and everything that I had done. I felt like he saw right through me. I didn’t go up for prayer because I was so scared and embarrassed. When the service was over, my pastor came over to me and asked if I went to the altar. She dragged me up for prayer, when I said no. At the altar, I immediately began to cry. The evangelist prayed over me unceasingly and I felt such release. He prophesied over me and started speaking in tongues. That was the first night in a long time that I had gotten a good night’s sleep.

When the revival ended, the evangelist came up to me and told me that I needed to go Brazil for a mission trip with his ministry. I was totally against it, but I was convinced by my pastor that this was something that I needed to do. While in Brazil, I witnessed such amazing things from the Holy Spirit that I had never ever seen or heard of. I poured out my heart to the group there at the mission house. Those twelve days in Brazil were the best experience of my life. It was there that I decided to give my life to God and never go back to the lifestyle that I once lived. I was healed and delivered from so many things that I struggled with and was exposed to.

It was made clear to me that being molested as a child played a huge role in why I acted how I did. Since Brazil, I never looked towards that lifesyle for comfort and work. Instead, I worked for the evangelist’s ministry as an intern for one year in the south and had another opportunity to spend time in Brazil! I feel as though the Lord is calling me into ministry to help minister to young adults who have gone thorough the same things as I did, or similar situations. It is my passion to be a testimony for all young women who feel hurt and depressed and feel like there is no hope.

I pray that whoever reads my story will be blessed and go and share it with someone else. I pray that god will use me to help bring souls to him and introduce him to people who do not.

Peace and blessings,
Brittany Abdullah